


I want to say I miss you (But it wouldn’t change anything)

by EdgeofaBlade



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Gen, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, No Sparrow Academy, Not Beta Read, S2 E10 The End of Something, S2 E9: 743, Season 2, Season 2 spoilers, Vanya doesn’t remember Ben, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25714969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdgeofaBlade/pseuds/EdgeofaBlade
Summary: In front of her was a man, reaching out towards her. He was dressed in all black, a small smile plastered across his face. Eyes shinning. She thinks she might have known him, but she isn’t sure.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 8
Kudos: 134





	I want to say I miss you (But it wouldn’t change anything)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this post by Tigereyes45:
> 
> https://tigereyes45.tumblr.com/post/625479348575715328

“Vanya?” 

She was...

Where was she?

A blue light washed over the room, casting shadows in the corners it could not reach. The floor was cold. Black and white tiles retreating into the dark. 

In front of her was a man, reaching out towards her. He was dressed in all black, a small grin plastered across his face. His eyes are shinning with tears. She thinks she might have known him, but she isn’t sure. 

Looking at him, she desperately tries to bring something forward. A name, a place, anything. But. As with everything. Nothing comes.

“Do you remember me?” His voice is small. Quiet. There is a slight crease to his eyebrows, a downturn of his lip. She wishes she could remember. Wishes she could wipe the scared look off of this man’s face. And yet. She shakes her head.

The man’s face softens. Pity. His eyes fall to the floor, mouth pressed in a line. Clearly upset, his shoulders slump. Before she can stop them, apologies fall from her lips, tears running down her cheeks. She hopes he understands how sorry she is. How damn much she wants to remember, to be the person he knows. 

But she can’t. No matter how much she may kid herself. She isn’t the person he knew, isn’t the person any of those wonderful people she met, claiming to be her siblings, knew. 

Vanya curls in on herself, trembling. She can’t remember ever crying this much. Then again, she doesn’t remember all that much anyway.

Immediately his face shifts. He’s sitting down now, with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He’s still not looking at her.

“I’m doing it again, aren’t I?” The man looks up at that. Heavy brows furrow further, head tilting to the side, an unspoken question.

“The apocalypse... I’m causing it again... aren’t I?” It’s like letting a damn loose, everything coming flooding out in a garbled mess.

“I-I don’t...” Vanya’s voice wobbles, face crumbling under the tears. “I don’t understand. Why is this happening? Why to me? I mean... all of them can control their powers. And yet... They look at me like I’m...” She trails off, unable to find a suitable word.

“Dangerous?” He lays a hand on her knee. It’s cold. “Like you might destroy them at a moments notice?” His eyes are back on the floor, staring at something that isn’t there.

Vanya squeezes his hand, regaining his attention.

A soft breeze fills the room. Bright blue light swirls around the ceiling. The man simply watches, as he breaks apart.

She stands, pressing herself against the pillar behind her. He does not look up. He just keeps looking at his hand, as he is swept up by the wind.

“I... What’s happening to you?” The realisation hits her like a truck.

“I... I’m hurting you. Aren’t I?”

Defeated, he looks up at her, eyes duller and emptier. Vanya almost wishes he would go back to staring at the floor.

“It’s not your fault. I... I’ve been biding my time. But it’s time for me to go now.” The acceptance in his voice makes Vanya want to curl up and cry. 

“I... I just wanted to say goodbye.” It takes all of her willpower not to crumble right then. Instead, she simply sways, back pressed up against the marble column. 

What does she say? Does she apologise? Say, sorry I’m not the person you wanted to see. Sorry you’re dying.  
Sorry th—

“Can I ask you a weird favour?”

She doesn’t hesitate to say, “Anything.”

“Can you hug me as I go? I know that you—“

Vanya isn’t sure what makes her wrap her arms around him, a complete stranger. Maybe it’s his weak smile, the fading gleam to his eyes. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s dying.

Or maybe some part of her, deep down, is crying out for him. For this man who has come to help her.

She doesn’t know. She wishes she did.

And just like that, she wakes up.

—-

When she’d told Klaus, Allison and Diego what had happened, they hadn’t said anything. Allison had simply raised her brow, corners of her mouth pulled into a frown. 

Klaus and Diego, on the other hand, were a different story.

Diego had up from the floor, big brown eyes boring into her. Klaus had simply looked around, searching for something (or someone) that wasn’t there.

Then Diego looked at his watch, and rushed off, stuttering something about the president. Allison ran after him, heels clicking against the floor.Klaus just stood there, tears running down his face.

—-

Hours later, alone in a car, she builds up the courage to ask again.

“Who was he?” Klaus turns his head to look at her.

“Who?”

“The man who saved me?”

He grimaces, bitter and full of teeth. And then he blinks, shuffling round to face Vanya properly. His mouth morphs into something much softer, a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“He was a ghost. A man who held on a little too long.”

And then he shifts to look out the window.

“But did… Did he say anything about…” Klaus takes a deep breath in. “Me?” Vanya chooses not to comment on how his voice broke. The look of confusion he sends her after she nods hurts her. She grips the car seat.

“He said…” She knows it’s cruel to tell him this, but who is she to deny the last request of a dead man.“He wanted you to know that he was too scared to go to the light. I… it wasn’t you that made him stay.”

She didn’t the exasperated puff of laughter she gets in response. “Ooh, that little shit-heel. All these years I thought it was my fault he didn’t take his ticket to heaven.” His small smile that lingers tells her that she did the right thing.

“Look… I’m sorry but…” It vanishes. Vanya almost wishes she could put it back on his face. “You should get out. Because I need to—“

“Oh no, I’m coming with.”

—-

She doesn’t find out who the man was until much later. It’s been months since they made it back to 2019, back to the Academy.

Vanya doesn’t remember everything, but she gets glimpses of the past. It’s coming back to her. Slowly, but it’s coming back.

They’d all decided to stay in the academy, not wanting to stray too far. The monkey - who she remembered was called Pogo - and the robot woman - their mother - didn’t ask what had happened. They simply watched the siblings, with sad smiles.

It comes to her in the middle of the night, as she lays, staring up at the ceiling. Memories flash across her vision, like frames from an old movie.

A young boy, dark hair and eyes, but a smile bright enough to light a room. 

Her brother. 

Ben.


End file.
